My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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