I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
