Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
