I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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