its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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