That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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