I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They have beer where we have blood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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