You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
