dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
