I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
NoShamevember. You game?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
