it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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