Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
