Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
