when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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