How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
