Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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