I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
