dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
