How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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