Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's great music for shaving your balls
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
