he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
