we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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