I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
