you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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