I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
