he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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