last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
