Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize