wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
