how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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