I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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