Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
