Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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