She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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