And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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