Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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