you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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