Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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