I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
