smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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