Plan B is the new Plan A
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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