you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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