Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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