I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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