grandma shit on top of the toilet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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