Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
