i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
