That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
