all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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