you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
