one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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