How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
