Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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