im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
