its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
