I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
