sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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