i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
