there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
