Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
