I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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