Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
